Catcher In The Grime
by Save Fearow
Summary: Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. The Academy faces a moral dilemma in a big Sewerball game, and all the Gromble can think about is what it would take to achieve victory.


Catcher In The Grime

An Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic

by Save Fearow

Author's Note: I wish Sewerball had been shown more often in the series since it seemed like a blast. They don't give alot of canon focus to the Academy team, "The Five Faces Of Ickis" really only confirms that a minor character, Grelch the tomboy who scared her own shadow from "The Switching Hour", is their pitcher but the rest of the line-up is left to the viewer's imagination (and judging by Slickis' banter one can easily infer that he was also a pitcher back in the day.) I wanted to have the Gromble's students play positions that suited both their personalities and their athletic aptitude. The Snorch is good enough at sports to qualify for the wave-riding competition but he isn't likely to join a team, so he doesn't participate in Sewerball (and neither does Zimbo.) Some of the other characters are content to either be in the pep squad (Snav, Blib, and Smeldra all cheer during home games) or stand in the bleachers. As a coach, the Gromble is certainly enthusiastic but he employs some questionable methods whenever Academy Pride is on the line.

The Gromble was proud to have finally assembled another strong Sewerball team. Of course, -none- of the students could even approach the Great Slickis' mastery of the sport, but at least now they had a ghost of a prayer of a chance at winning. He'd appointed Oblina as team captain, lead-off batter, and 1st basemen. She might not have been as enthusiastic about the game as some of her teammates were, but she knew how to give commands, and the other monsters were quick to follow her instructions. Kriggle covered 2nd base. He was bulky and boisterous, and the Gromble considered him to be one of the Academy's 'power hitters' which made up for his slower stride. At 3rd base the Gromble had placed Pugh, a former delinquent who had quick reflexes and a real desire to win (it had taken a few lectures but the Gromble had FINALLY convinced Pugh to -tag- the other players out, not just trip them as they rounded 3rd.)

Ickis was an even more surprising find, although he had been the one to approach the Gromble for try-outs. It was only the memory of Slickis' dominance in wins, strike-outs, and earned-run average that kept the Gromble from dismissing Ickis outright. Bizarrely, Ickis expressed no interest in taking the mound. After delivering a short, gibberish filled rant "Je ne suis pas mon père! Et le Français est une langue légitime." Ickis had crouched behind home plate and absolutely refused to consider ANY position besides catcher. But for once, Ickis actually seemed to know his own abilities. Ickis had a longer reach than the Gromble would have suspected (aided by the judicious use of looming to widen his stance, all while keeping one foot on the bag), he was good at anticipating each pitch but wasn't above signalling for a change in strategy, and he moved with a graceful speed the Gromble would never have dreamed him capable of. As an added bonus, Ickis' small stature meant that he had a reduced strike zone at bat, something he freely took advantage of by forcing opponents to either walk him or be lulled into a fall sense of security as Ickis racked up a full count before swinging for the fences. The Gromble had accused him of showmanship the first time Ickis had waited for a pitch in their match against Better Monster Tech but Ickis had countered that it tired the pitcher out faster if he threw in excess of 30 tomatos per inning, and would force the coach to make an early substitution or risk having the fatigued starter throw an errant pitch. From the stands, Slickis had then hollered "That's m'boy!" and offered to buy his son a scoop of Roachy Road lice cream if he got more than 3 runs. Ickis had homered twice, but he'd reached home at every at-bat, which he claimed met the definition, if not the spirit, of the deal. The Gromble was fairly certain Slickis would never renege on any agreement that involved food, as evidenced by the 2 banana skin sundaes and the rocklate shake that he bought himself afterwards. Presumably, Slickis was dining light because he intended to play a pick-up game of Rubbageball with some of the other alumni before dashing off on another cross-country looming spree.

Out of his remaining students then, the Gromble had settled upon Grelch as his current pitcher. The squat, tomboyish girl proved able to "hum that seed" (which apparantly was a -good- thing, the Gromble didn't fully understand Sewerball chatter, but he knew what results looked like, and her blazing fastball had zipped past many a hapless hitter.) Grelch had an aggressive style, and there were a few instances of players getting hit by pitches that she later claimed they stepped into, but she often came through in the clutch.

Boral was his shortstop. The one-eyed cretin could be pompous and overbearing, but he displayed solid judgement when it came to deciding plays in the infield and had quick reflexes. The Gromble had originally wanted Oblina for this spot, but Boral could throw just that little bit farther than she could and so he was placed there in order to maximize the effectiveness of the team. The outfield was less balanced in spite of the Gromble's best efforts. Urbab was his current right fielder. (Previous candidates had included Gludge who had demanded that he be given a smenkier uniform and more opportunities for spectacular plays, and Dizzle who had simply let the tomato roll between her six legs as she waved to Slickis in the stands. She'd been summarily dismissed from the team, but still considered it the highlight of her school year to have been told "For crud's sake! Keep your eye on the tomato, go, go, go!" by Ickis' big, scary Dad.) Urbab was competent, but he never really strove for greatness and had a tendency to speak dismissively about the other players. His center fielder Krumm had a much humbler attitude even though he was by FAR the most athletic and energetic outfielder. He made the regrettable error once of throwing an eyeball home during a crucial play while holding the smushed tomato in his arm, but because Krumm was so good at batting and he got along well with even the more difficult members of the team, the Gromble didn't -really- hold it against him. That speech about Krumm needing to pack his bags for the mold farm if he ever made another mix-up was PURELY for dramatic effect. Last of all, the Gromble placed Horrifica in left field. She was a prima donna with a weak swing, but her father Ogherik had loved the sport and was willing to contribute more toenails to the Academy if his little urchin got to play Sewerball. She could also be moody, but at least Horrifica was able to focus on the game and she even demonstrated a bit of guile by psyching out the opposition with various taunts.

The students didn't always get along in class, but they were an effective unit on the Sewerball field, provided they were given the proper incentive.

Thus, the Gromble gathered his young team together for another one of his infamous pep talks.

"Today, we have traveled long and far in order to face our most -hated- rivals, the Institute for Monstrous Development!" the Gromble roared.

"What rivalry? I never even heard'a these guys before!" Ickis remarked.

"Well, they've heard of YOU. Coach Tungel called you a bunny rabbit, and his entire roster has been LAUGHING at you even since." the Gromble claimed.

Ickis' eyes flashed red and he growled savagely. "I will DESTROY them!" Ickis vowed.

Pleased with the effects of his motivational lie, the Gromble decided to invent even more reasons for monsters to despise the opposing team. "You go right ahead, Master Ickis. I'm sure they'll feel better at being defeated by a boy because every -single- one of their players views females as weak and incompetent." the Gromble added.

Oblina, Horrifica, and Grelch all glared. "That's not true at all!" Horrifica shouted.

"I know, right! Have you ever seen a bunny rabbit catch a tomato being thrown at 90 miles-per-hour without even bruising the skin? I think not!" Ickis roared.

"Ickis, this isn't about you anymore." Oblina snapped.

"Well, it should be." pouted Ickis.

"Because your feelings of inadequacy outweigh the concerns of the entire female race?!" Oblina questioned.

Ickis thought it over. "Is there an answer I can give that won't result in me getting punched in the face?" he wondered.

"Yes, but they would probly lead to other, -more- traumatizing injuries." Oblina hissed.

"I'm jus' glad catchers wear alot of padding. I have a feeling I'm gonna need the protection." Ickis noted.

"Oh, that reminds me. Coach Tungel has gone on record as stating that business should NOT be required to pay mob protection." the Gromble declared, seemingly apropos of nothing.

"That crumb would DARE hold out on us? I say we muscle in and shake him down!" Pugh snarled.

"Why stop at robbing his finances, when you can rob of him of victory on the field?" the Gromble suggested pointedly.

Pugh laughed. "You're alright, Grombino. We got no beef with you." Pugh proclaimed.

"He's a standup monster!" Ickis asserted.

The Gromble sighed. "You really have NO idea what that means do you Master Ickis?" asked the Gromble.

"I know enough not to rat." Ickis replied earnestly.

"I like dead rats. They're tasty." Krumm professed.

"Of course, you're a monster of discriminating -taste- Krumm. It SHOULDN'T matter that the School of Monstrous Intent said that they've tasted better mold growing between their toes than the spores that get shipped from -your- father's farm." the Gromble fibbed.

"That both saddens and ENRAGES me!" hollered Krumm.

"At least you have emotions. They've also claimed that Urbab is nothing more than a background player, incapable of reacting to any situation." the Gromble noted.

"How dare they! I'm alot more integral to the team than Kriggle is!" Urbab contested.

"Hey! As the 2nd baseman I see way more action than you!" Kriggle shouted.

"Not according to Coach Tungel's team. They said that playing Sewerball is the ONLY time you'll ever get to 2nd base, Kriggle." the Gromble lied.

Kriggle blushed furiously. "Those jerks are going down." he insisted.

"Excellent. As you can see, you ALL have plenty of reasons to despise them." the Gromble declared.

"What about me?" Boral wondered.

"Er, they made fun of your lack of depth perception." the Gromble bluffed.

"Why those little punks!" Boral raged. He swung his fists blindly.

The Gromble smirked. "I love it when a plan comes together." he proclaimed as he led the students onto the field to meet the rival players.

Of course, nobody really wanted to shake paws with their opponents. Oblina did make some comment about how as the visiting team they ought to conduct themselves with decorum, but she'd quickly changed her mind once the Gromble told her that coming from a girl, it would be perceived as a sign of weakness. Oblina was anything but weak! She scowled at the opposing pitcher, who looked like a chauvinistic pig (maybe it was the snout.) It gave her great pleasure to lead off with a double.

Kriggle then stepped up to the plate, intent on hitting her home. The pitch was high and outside, but in his eagerness Kriggle swung anyway and received a strike.

"Don't let it worry you. Plenty of monsters strike out Kriggle, there's no shame in it, never mind what THEY said about you being inadequate." the Gromble insisted.

Kriggle scowled as he choked up on the pipe. He wasn't going to let those stupid Institute monsters make a mockery of him. This pitch was much slower and perfectly within the strike zone. Kriggle walloped the tomato easily and sprinted to 1st while Oblina rounded 3rd. The right fielder chased down the tomato and motioned as if he might throw it home, but sensing that Oblina was not going to make a run for it, tossed it back to the pitcher instead.

Krumm batted next. Some of the players from the Institute snickered at the sight of him carrying his eyeballs inside his mouth as he gripped the Sewerball bat, which only served to re-enforce the Academy's belief that the rival team was composed solely of jerks. They weren't laughing when Krumm smacked a powerful line drive, allowing both Oblina and Kriggle to score while he remained safe at 3rd. The Gromble's students all cheered with delight and Oblina and Kriggle were each given congratulations.

"Wow! You two scored big time!" Ickis noted. Boral, Pugh, and Urbab immediately chuckled.

Oblina sighed. "Don't talk, Icky. It ruins the moment." she opined.

"I'm gonna get my -own- moment of glory, you'll see! We'll get where we going if we swing real fast!" Ickis chattered. Again, the boys burst into laughter.

"I swear he does this deliberately." Oblina grumbled.

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for her! Don't even try cause you can't ignore her!" Ickis chanted as he picked up the pipe.

"I'm ignoring YOU." Oblina declared.

Ickis wasn't too concerned. Oblina was often exasperated by him, but she ALWAYS got over it whenever he did something impressive, and Sewerball was one activity that he -knew- he excelled at. When he was a young bonsty, Slickis had spent many afternoons correcting Ickis' grip (because you got more power if you kept your wrists cocked) and his stance (it was easy to remember to start with your knees bend and the feet jus' a tad over should width apart but because your center of gravity shifts during a swing a batter had to develop a good stride in order to transfer the weight to the front foot.) Even when Slickis got too busy to offer any further instruction, Ickis still went to the batting cages whenever possible, and when he couldn't do THAT either he stood in his room and tossed tomatos in the air. The splatters on the walls were testaments to his dedication to the sport. (Slickis sometimes joked that if his son was going to be a clean-up hitter, he should clean-up the mess more often. Ickis always -meant- to follow through with that advice, but he tended to get distracted by other, flashier schemes-to-impress-Dad. Apparently, Slickis -didn't- want their home to feature a mini glorp course complete with alligators in the water hazard, and a windmill that caught fire whenever monsters tried to activate the perpetual motion drive, although with some modifications Ickis was -sure- he could get it up and running.)

The pitcher grinned. "I don't have any carrots for you bunny, but would you like a tomato?" he sneered as he lobbed an underhanded pitch.

"I'm NOT a bunny!" Ickis hollered. In retaliation, he smacked a 2-run homer. The Institute monsters all stared in shock as Krumm ambled casually over to home plate and Ickis raced around the bases. As Ickis approached home, he gave a deliberate hop and stomped onto the plate. "Put that in your Easter Basket an' choke on it!" Ickis gleefully retorted.

"Holy crud, what -have- we gotten into?" Coach Tungel wondered.

"I'll let you know as soon as we're done humiliating you." the Gromble replied, a bit prematurely. Pugh hit two foul balls before ultimately striking out on a tricky change-up. Grelch bunted her way to first, but then Boral went down swinging. Urbab grounded out and the top half of the inning was over, with the Academy leading 4-0.

Coach Tungel's team seemed to be built more for offense. The first two Institute batters were muscular and swung aggressively at each tomato, although their shortstop was savvy enough to let an outside pitch go by and ended up smacking a powerful line-drive that he was able to stretch into a triple. Although the lead-off batter was able to score, the Academy still managed to salvage an out from the play thanks to Krumm who chase the tomato deep into center field, scooped it off the ground, and hurled it back to Ickis who delighted in tagging out the rival student.

"That's it, Master Ickis. Make him squeeeal like a pig!" the Gromble urged.

Coach Tungel looked appalled. "What kind of school ARE you running Gromby?" the rival coach demanded.

"The kind you wish you were." the Gromble retorted.

"Sir, I don't think that's legal in this state." Ickis cautiously pointed out.

"Neither is the use of bonstys as forced labor, but there are ways around -that- too." the Gromble hissed. "So unless you WANT to experience it for yourself, Master Ickis, I suggest you SHUT UP and play ball!"

Ickis gulped. "Yes sir." he meekly acquiesced.

The game resumed with both sides more focused on winning than ever. The next batter was out on a foul tip, but the player after him managed to hit an opposite-field home run, narrowing the gap to 4-3, although the score remained in the Academy's favor. Grelch redeemed herself by striking out the next player with 3 well-aimed pitches, but it was clear that neither team could afford to coast during this match-up.

"Go out there and win just one for the Gromble!" their Headmaster insisted at the top of the 2nd inning. That was easier said than done when Horrifica was batting, of course. The only tomato she hit resulted in a foul ball, to the Gromble's dismay. Oblina didn't fare much better this time around, hitting an easy pop-up to right field. The Gromble was about ready to throw a shoe at someone when Kriggle grounded out.

"Morons! I'm surrounded by morons!" the Gromble moaned. But perhaps his lament spurred the students to try harder, since Grelch was able to retire the next 2 batters in rapid succession and even Urbab managed to make a diving catch to end the inning. The Academy then expanded its lead when Krumm walked on an errant pitch, and Ickis homered again. The students from the Institute for Monstrous Development could do little more than watch in shock when Ickis clobbered the tomato.

"Woahh, are you bionic?" one of the infielders questioned.

"No, I like girls but thanks anyway." Ickis responded.

The infielder sighed. "Life is full of disappointments." he muttered quietly.

The Gromble pulled Pugh aside and offered some last-minute instructions. "Alright Pugh. I know you're capable of getting hits placed." he began.

"Yeah but we don't use pipes for that, leaves too much trace evidence, y'know?" Pugh remarked.

"Yes, and I also know that you stole the teacher's edition of the Monster Manual and have been selling answers to the last 2 chapter tests." the Gromble added sternly.

"Hey! You can't pin that on me, I'm as innocent as the day I was hatched!" protested Pugh.

"I don't doubt that. But if you go out there and score today, I'm willing to make certain allowances." the Gromble bargained.

"Just so long as those allowances get paid regularly." Pugh asserted.

The Gromble scowled. "Oh, you'll pay. I can ALWAYS put in a call to a certain 'friend of ours' who does more than just work in a book depository." the Gromble threatened.

Pugh grinned nervously. "Heh. I don't s'pose you'd settle for a kickback?" he inquired.

"I'll give you a kick in the air sac if you don't knock it off NOW." the Gromble promised angrily.

"Yeesh. How bout I knock it outta the park? That would shut your yap." Pugh mumbled.

"Wonders never cease. Now, go!" the Gromble snarled.

Although Pugh wasn't able to hit a home run, he did manage to get a double. Grelch reached first on a fielding error while Pugh advanced to third. Boral struck out again (maybe those claims about his poor depth perception weren't so far off.) Urbab hit a sacrificial bunt, allowing Pugh to score. Horrifica still had a tendency to end her swing early so she didn't have much power. Not only was the shortstop able to catch the tomato he quickly threw it to the 3rd baseman, who tagged Grelch out for a double play. The Gromble wasn't pleased with this turn of events and proceeded to berate both girls.

"Whatever. I don't see YOU doing anything helpful, sir." Horrifica maintained.

"I could say the same thing about you two nitwits." the Gromble roared.

"It's wasn't my fault, I couldn't run that fast!" Grelch argued.

"Try telling that to someone who -doesn't- wear high heels." the Gromble sneered.

Grelch huffed angrily as she took the mound. "It's a terrible color on him anyway." she groused.

"Don't let it get to you. Compared to the Gromble, I think of you as a shining example of feminity." Ickis professed.

"You have no clue how to talk to girls, do you?" Grelch marveled.

"I practice on the sponge. Shnookie's a good listener." Ickis maintained.

"Congratulations. Just when we think you can't get any MORE pathetic, you hit a new low." Horrifica yelled out.

"I still couldn't get as low as your batting average! Allow me to introduce you to a little concept called the 'follow through'." Ickis hollered.

"Focus everyone, focus. Academy Pride!" the Gromble insisted.

"I guess that explains the shoes." Coach Tungel quipped.

"I always did wonder about that." Krumm admitted.

The Gromble glared at him. "I can see it's time I had another talk about tolerance with your father, Krumm." the Gromble remarked.

"Oh, that's great. Dad loves tolerance." Krumm asserted. He paused as if deep in thought. "...It's a kind of cake, right?" mused Krumm.

"That's 'torta tre moldy'. You make it by layering cardboard with crushed gravel, mold spores, and mucus. It's usually frosted over with a rocklate sauce, sometimes with styrofoam peanuts sprinkled on top." Ickis corrected.

"Mmm. Buy me some peanuts and cardboard stacks, I don't care if I ever get back." Krumm sighed blissfully.

"Don't tempt me!" the Gromble snapped.

"I didn't know you liked cake so much, sir." Krumm commented.

"Really? I think the gigantic waistline would've been a clue." Coach Tungel insinuated.

The Gromble narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "I'm going to make you EAT those words." he declared.

"It figures you wouldn't have any other leftovers to offer." replied Coach Tungel.

"That's it! Now it's on like a soiled lawn!" the Gromble roared.

"You mean like the one we're standing upon?" Ickis wondered.

"Master Ickis, would you do me a favor and STOP TALKING!" the Gromble shrieked. Ickis flinched, and the game continued.

The bottom half of the third inning saw the Institute monsters score only once, but the Gromble still raged as though the Academy had lost their entire lead. His mood improved slightly when Oblina hit a triple, then soured again when Kriggle struck out and Krumm hit a grounder that made for an easy out, although Oblina was able to slide home safely. The rival pitcher took a calculated risk and intentionally walked Ickis by throwing every pitch high and outside.

"I've seen more accuracy in my written reports!" Ickis jeered as he took his base.

"Then you're the only one who HAS." the Gromble flatly responded.

Ickis' ears drooped. "Was that really necessary, sir?" Ickis questioned.

"It wouldn't be, if you -studied- more often." the Gromble insisted.

"You'd jus' find somethin' else to pick on me for." Ickis insisted sourly.

"Indeed, you've given me alot of material to work with over the years, 'Grand Master Ickis'. Would you like to wear the cape and shake your groove-thing today, or would you prefer to unleash the Viewfinder AGAIN, or perhaps you've come up with some OTHER -idiotic- scheme that could alert humans to our presence, hmm?" the Gromble mused.

"I like the cape. It's dashing." Ickis mumbled.

"And just like that, you've dashed all hopes that you might go an entire day without shaming this Academy." the Gromble professed.

Ickis sighed. "I thought I was doing alright so far, sir." he muttered.

"You'd think that, but you'd be wrong." the Gromble maintained.

Pugh laughed. "Tough break, kid. That's the way the tomato splatters sometimes." Pugh claimed. He took a swing and missed.

The Gromble scowled. "I've seen better swings on a HUMAN playground! Get your act together, Pugh!" the Gromble screamed.

"Keep your shoes on, Twinkle-Toes." Pugh replied. The Academy students gasped.

"I like that batter. He's got moxie." Coach Tungel opined.

"He's also got 4 weeks of Snorching, starting tomorrow." the Gromble determined. Pugh's next swing resulted in a high-flying tomato that was caught by their right fielder, resulting in the final out. "Make that -5- weeks." the Gromble hissed.

"I'm shaking." Pugh joked.

"You -will- be after I run you through the trash compactor a few times." the Gromble promised.

"It's easier if you don't eat a big meal before going on. Trust me." Ickis whispered.

"Oh, how nice. They're -bonding-. Since you two seem to be SUCH good buddies, perhaps you'd like to share in some of those Snorchings, Master Ickis?" the Gromble inquired.

Ickis gulped. "Is there any response that won't get me in trouble?" he wondered.

"No." the Gromble stated.

"Terrific! That was gonna be my first guess!" Ickis chirped.

The Gromble rolled his eyes. "It's a mistake to ever give YOU options, you'll only squander them." the Gromble decided.

"Is squandering a good thing?" Ickis asked hopefully.

"I think it's a kind of cake." Krumm replied.

"No, those are scumcakes. There's also sludge cakes, an' spore cakes, an' snail cakes but I don't eat those..." Ickis began.

"ENOUGH!" The Gromble roared. "Stop talking about cakes and just get into position!"

"What's his problem?" Pugh wondered.

"Judging by the amount of drool on his chin, I'd say the Gromble's hung-" Ickis started to say. Oblina clamped a paw over his mouth and dragged him over to home plate.

"Ickis! Are you TRYING to make things worse?" Oblina hissed.

"I wouldn't say I was trying." Ickis clarified.

"Well, you're succeeding!" she snapped.

"Er, as long as we're on the subject, how -do- you feel about successful monsters?" Ickis inquired.

"I never thought it would be a trait I'd associate with YOU." Oblina admitted.

"I think it's the element of surprise that keeps our romance so fresh." Ickis boasted.

Oblina smacked him. "Don't get fresh with me, Ickis. It -won't- end well for you." Oblina threatened.

"Not with that attitude, it won't!" Ickis chided.

Oblina shook her head. "Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother." Oblina murmured.

"You're a smart girl Oblina. I bet you figure it out." Ickis persisted. He winked suggestively.

"Nobody could EVER figure you out, Icky." Oblina asserted.

"I always knew you couldn't resist a challenge." Ickis claimed. Oblina swatted him again then walked away so she could cover 1st base.

Once again, Grelch took the mound. She struck out the first batter, walked the next, and struck out the following 2 opponents. Unfortunately, the Academy wasn't able to score any runs in the next inning as only Boral managed to bunt his way to first, although the Institute didn't fare much better, only scoring a single un-earned run off a fielding error which Urbab was subsequently blamed for. Still, the Gromble believed that his students -would- emerge victorious... right up until one of the Institute's players began to sob..

"Shh-hh. It's alright, Bluffox. Even if we do lose this game, and they cut all the funding for our Sewerball team, -and- the Board of Education fires me, I'll still find a way to get my mother her growlbladder operation." Coach Tungel determined.

"That poor, brave monster." Oblina murmured. "We should do something to help him."

"We could send his mother a bouquet of dead fish." Ickis suggested.

"Or we -could- let them win this game." Oblina theorized.

"Oblina, no! That's crazy talk!" The Gromble insisted.

"I don't think it's crazy to help a monster in need." Oblina stated.

"Good idea. Your parents are rich, have THEM start up a collection, guilt's absolved, everybody wins! Especially us, cause we're ahead." Ickis ventured.

"Icky, you can NOT solve every problem by throwing toenails at it." Oblina remained adamant.

"You could if you tried!" Ickis maintained.

Oblina sighed and marched over to the batter's box. She deliberately missed every pitch, as did Kriggle, and then Krumm.

The Gromble howled unhappily. "What are you 3 pimple-poppers DOING? You're throwing the game away!" the Gromble whined.

Krumm looked around in confusion. "How can we do that? They aren't any garbage cans out here." Krumm replied.

"If there -were- I wouldn't hesitate to toss YOU into one!" the Gromble snapped.

"Please sir. Try to understand. Coach Tungel's mother is very ill." Oblina explained.

"Pfft. He's probly lying, just like when I told all of you that our rivals spent their time insulting you." the Gromble responded.

Oblina gasped. "You made the whole thing up? Oh sir, I am -so- disappointed in you." Oblina stated sadly.

"Er, I wouldn't say I made it up exactly." the Gromble began.

"Only cause you'd never admit it! That's just awful!" Grelch declared.

"I don't know. Their pitcher DID call me a bunny." Ickis observed.

"Everybody does that! Get over yourself, Ickis." Horrifica jeered.

Ickis folded his arms crossly. "Let me know when you start taking your OWN advice, an' I'll get back to you." Ickis grumbled. He crouched down behind home plate and glared at his teammates, knowing that there was nothing he could do to make them change their minds and finish out the game properly. Sure enough, Grelch walked 5 players in a row, narrowing the gap to 8-6. The next player bunted and neither Oblina nor Grelch made any motion to retrieve the tomato. Frustrated, Ickis ran over and picked up the tomato then scurried back to home plate in time to keep their rivals from scoring another run. His own team booed him.

"Oh, come on! We're s'posed to be in it to win it!" Ickis defended his actions.

"You are so immature." Grelch scolded.

"I've been telling him that for years." Oblina added.

"Of course, it's sooo mature to keep harping on your teammate's so-called flaws!" Ickis huffed.

"They're called flaws because they are very UNAPPEALING aspects of your personality." Oblina clarified.

Ickis scowled. "I don't care. We could still be winners, if only you'd make the effort!" Ickis whined.

"Ickis dear, you are obsessing. Let it go." Oblina gently chided.

"Like slurm I will!" Ickis hissed defiantly.

Oblina rolled her eyes. "Using foul language isn't helping your cause anyway." she responded.

"Well it's not like you're giving me alot of options here!" Ickis retorted. She turned her back on him.

Grelch readied the tomato. "Ickis, be quiet or I'll throw this right at you." Grelch announced. Ickis sighed and obeyed.

The next batter ended up striking out (possibly because the Gromble had begun chanting "Hey batter, batter, batter, SWIIING!" Although most of the Academy players regarded this as a dirty tactic, Ickis was glad to at least have SOME support.) Grelch then lobbed a slow pitch right down the middle. This batter smacked it deep into right field. Urbab waited for several moments before even bothering to grab the tomato then threw it far short off Boral. For his part, Boral pretended to not even notice the tomato.

"Let's go, pick up the pace!" Ickis roared. "If you guys moved any slower, you'd be glaciers!"

"Maybe we can set them adrift at sea." the Gromble groused.

"Sorry, I can't see the tomato." Boral lied. He waited until all the Institute monsters were safe at home before locating the tomato, which was less than 6 inches from his foot. "Found it!" Boral yelled.

"Whaddya want, a medal?" Ickis snapped.

"Let's hope it gives him lead poisoning." the Gromble opined.

Ickis grimaced slightly. "Sir, it's not that I don't sympathize with you, but I don't see how injuring Boral solves anything." Ickis declared.

"That's why I'm the coach and you're not." the Gromble maintained. "Threats are one of a coach's main -motivational- techniques."

"Don't forget about lying! Apparently, that's all your inspirational speeches boil down to." Grelch complained.

"That's all ANY speech boils down to." the Gromble corrected.

"Whatever." Grelch replied. Now that the Institute had taken over the lead, 10-8, she felt confident in striking out the final batter.

"Attagirl, Grelch!" Ickis cheered. "We can still claw our way to victory!"

Grelch smirked. "You'd think that, but you'd be wrong." Grelch told him.

Ickis eagerly picked up the Sewerball pipe. His entire team had cautioned him NOT to swing at any pitches, but Ickis ignored them. Although he did feel sorry for Coach Tungel, it still felt wrong to lose on purpose. Slickis never minded when the Academy lost (in fact, he usually bought Ickis a consolatory phlegmonade anyway) but he HAD taught his son to always try his hardest to win. Ickis bared his fangs as if to remind the other team that HE was still a force to be reckoned with. The pitcher seemed determined to walk Ickis yet again and began throwing pitches high and outside. Ickis responded by filling his eyes with blood and looming just enough to be able to smack the tomato clear across the field.

"Rabbit season is over!" Ickis announced as he reached home. The Academy players hissed at him from their dug-out.

"Ickis, what were you thinking?!" Oblina demanded.

"I was thinking that I ought to be congratulated for hitting yet another home run." Ickis replied.

"Wrong! Ickis, we all agreed to let the other team win." Oblina lectured.

"I don't remember agreeing to that. Maybe we should have a recount." Ickis retorted.

"Maybe YOU should have your head examined! I am -very- disappointed with your lack of empathy, and I bet your FATHER would be too." Oblina judged.

Ickis' ears drooped. "Oblina, please..." he began.

"No, Ickis. What you just did was inexcusable." Oblina maintained.

"Oh, don't get your tail in a bunch. The rest of us are gonna strike out anyway. What Ickis did won't make any difference." Pugh asserted.

"Thanks ALOT, Pugh. That makes me feel sooo much better." Ickis snapped.

"Me too. I really want Coach Tungel's mom to get her operation." Krumm contributed.

Ickis shuffled his feet nervously. "Oh. I guess that is kinda important." Ickis admitted.

"I'm glad it meets -your- seal of approval." Oblina hissed.

Ickis gulped. "You're not gonna let me off easy this time, are you?" Ickis realized.

"Not a chance." Oblina declared.

"Try not to fall asleep during her lectures, it will only make her madder." Krumm advised. Ickis sighed and watched Pugh, Grelch, and Boral all strike out, effectively ending the Academy's hope for a comeback. The Institue players all whooped and dumped a bucket of goopeade over their coach.

"Ha! You were right Coach, those Academy gweebs totally fell for it!" the team captain gloated.

"Of course. The 'poor sick mother' story always leaves 'em crying in the dug-outs." Coach Tungel proclaimed.

Oblina's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean?" she whispered.

"I mean it was all a lie. Duh. My mother lives in Reno, she's healthy as a horse fly!" Coach Tungel boasted.

"No way." Grelch muttered.

"That stupid jamook played us all for saps!" Pugh groaned.

"That both saddens and ENRAGES me!" the Gromble roared.

"Ha! What are you -losers- gonna do about it? I've already won, they're getting a trophy ready for me and everything!" Coach Tungel declared.

"You're gonna get what's coming to you alright." Ickis vowed. He hefted his favorite Sewerball bat.

"Icky, I don't think you should be carrying a blunt object right now." Oblina cautioned.

"I don't think you should be lecturing me right now either, but here we are!" Ickis exclaimed.

Oblina tried again to dissuade him. "Ickis, no! You have every right to be mad at him, but you can't go around ATTACKING other monsters! Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary." Oblina claimed.

"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence." Ickis replied.

"I think they have pills for that now." Krumm noted.

Coach Tungel laughed. "Nice one, Stinkbag. I'll be sure to credit you in particular when I thank all the little idiots who made my victory possible." Coach Tungel decided.

"Thanks, that means alot to me." Krumm replied.

Oblina frowned. "How dare you make fun of Krumm! He is one of the nicest monsters you could ever hope to meet." Oblina stated.

"Good. It's always easier to manipulate kind-hearted fools, like you." Coach Tungel revealed.

Oblina's lip quivered. "I only wanted to do the right thing." she insisted sadly.

"That's what makes you SUCH an easy target." Coach Tungel opined. He grinned maliciously and turned to walk away.

"How bout a little target practice then, you jerk!" Ickis snarled. He scooped up a tomato, tossed it in the air, and swung the pipe at precisely the right moment. The tomato smacked into the back of Coach Tungel's neck with such force that he fell over in surprise.

"Well played, Master Ickis." the Gromble observed. Then he walked over to where Coach Tungel was lying face-down on the ground and kicked his rival once on behalf of his students.

~~~The End.

Author's Note: It says something about the Gromble that he would reward poor sportsmanship. Given everything that happened during the game, I don't really blame the Gromble for reacting the way he did. Coach Tungel isn't exactly the world's greatest role-model either. Since they are playing at Academy level, there's only 7 innings in a Sewerball game (at professional level, they play 9 innings) and since the Institute for Monstrous Development was the home team, it wasn't necessary for them to complete the bottom half of the inning (since they already had the lead at that point and the Academy wasn't going to get another chance to bat and thus couldn't catch up. That same rule is applied to professional teams.) Reviews are encouraged. Rah-rah-sis-boom-bah and all that.


End file.
